God's been doing a lot with me lately... I mean A. LOT.
Then again, I did ask Him to. And He is faithful and true, as we know (Rev. 19:11). I won't even say Be careful what you ask for, because it is totally fine with me ... that doesn't mean it's easy work though.
But it's good work. He who started a good work in me won't finish until it's done (Philippians 1:6).
Through a book that a friend directed me to, my eyes have been opened to some sides of me that I really hadn't seen before. It's been quite the reveal, and I asked Him to do this book read with me when I started because I knew it wouldn't be easy. And He has.
I know I'm being cryptic, but just wanted to lay the foundation of the main point of what He revealed this morning. He is so good. (I might just say that once or twice or a hundred times more before I'm done). I love Him so much.
I saw a dear friend earlier in the week. We hadn't visited in a while, so I told her (some of) what I was going though. In the midst of the conversation, she quietly said that some of my struggle for my heart's peace was wanting Permission or Approval for my steps forward in my journey. She was right, and I knew that went back to the little girl in me.
God is so good. This morning I was listening to the song "Oceans" by Hillsong and I heard the words about trust as I never had before. That prepared my heart for the next song... "The Blessing" (Live) by Kari Jobe and her husband Cody Carnes. One of the lyrics is He is FOR you... they sing it over and over. I realized (although I had heard that song many many times) that the contrary to that would be that He was AGAINST me.... which He most certainly isn't. He loves me, He cherishes me, He redeemed me, He is FOR me. He wants me to experience joy. He knows that our lives will be filled with both joy and sadness. He expects that, and will always be there for us through it. He just does not want us to be separated from HIM. He will never leave us to go through our circumstances alone (Deut.31:6-8 among others).
Those thoughts alone brought me to a place of praise and worship (He is so good) but He took it a step farther. I realized that my wanting approval was ultimately Approval from Him. That I didn't want to disappoint Him or let Him down. I realized that deep, deep, WAY deep down, my inner little girl felt that if (those decisions I was making) didn't meet His approval, that HE would... yep, you guessed it. Leave me.
That realization broke me. Because as soon as I thought that, I remembered that He said He would NEVER leave me or forsake me... and my next thought was "I know, but I never had a father before who didn't leave me."
He is so good. He is my Abba Father, my Daddy who loves me more than I know. He is kind and loves me beyond my circumstances or decisions. He loves ME. He loves my heart. He wants me to be happy and love Him in and through it all. He won't leave me, and doesn't want me to leave Him. He wants to be a part of it all, sticky, yucky, painful, happy, joyous... all of it.
I love Him so much. Thank God for His love, reaching down to rescue me and telling me He wasn't ever going anywhere. He is so good. He is so GOD.
Blessing on all who took the time to read this extra long, longest ever post.
In Him, Krista
Postscript: After all this, I said to Him with a twinkle in my eye "You love me, don't Ya." He smiled and said, "Yeah, I do." 💗
